Choices,choices,choices...

I hate being a grown up... i dont like making choices - i want a crystal ball that will tell me what is going to happen..should i move cities, should i date this guy, should i change jobs, sell my house, i dont want to decide ! i want to be a kid again - when my mom told me what to do..being grown up is scary - now people tell you - make your decision..its YOUR choice .and thats scary !!what if i am wrong.....i have been in the past -i read somewhere - when looked at in hindsight - 70% of the choices we make are wrong !! now that is a scary stat isnt it !!! or it was research done by someone feeling as pessimistic as i am today....and then there is advice - "u must do this ", "how can you think twice about it - of course you must do it - i would" !! And that is the catch- "I would"!! we all give well meaning advice - based on what I would do - but the "I" has gone through a different set of life experiences and has a different set of priorities....and what is right for "I" is not necessarily right for the "I" that "I" is advising -get what i mean?? so yeah this sounds like a rant doesnt it and YES IT IS !! i dont want to decide what to do with my life anymore!! I give up -destiny, life,mother nature, a higher power above -anyone ,someone - YOU decide....i am in your hands - u decide and i just hope to hell your stats are better than the 30% success rate that I have.

Never say Never.....

I thot i would NEVER do this...blog I mean ..but my 5 year old nephew started me off....a couple of false starts ( i am not the most comp savvy person!), ALMOST gave up in irritation and now here i am ....blogging....i read blogs of people i know ( my nephew and my sis !!) and people i don't( the fake/real IPL Player! ) and i go wow....i can NEVER write like this....not sure if this blogging thing is for me...and then i paused - my best friend once told me - NEVER say NEVER ...it will come back to bite you ...and then i thought of the many NEVERS I did not stick to .....some i am glad and some i am still debating.....
I NEVER thot I could live on my own... 8 years and i am loving it
I NEVER thot someone would break my heart .. too tough for that.. many times already and i am sure its not the end
I NEVER thot i could OWN my own place .... 2 years now and i love it
When i bought the place I NEVER thot i could make it the home i wanted it to be ..its getting there and doesnt seem so overwhelming anymore
I NEVER thot i would have as lasting and deep a friendship as i do with Anu - i NEVER was the mushy-friends-for-ever kinds - 13 years and she still feels like the safest place i know...
I NEVER thot i would enjoy re-connecting with old pals i had lost touch with ( who has the time..) i did and i loved it
I NEVER thot i could run a marathon ...with a weak knee and a damaged ankle ( hurts from school basketball -sins of your past do catch up..) and not the best of lungs... finished 2 1/2s and now preparing for a full...when i started 2 years ago i NEVER thot i could run for more than the 3 mins I ran the first time today i run 60..
I NEVER thot I would have someone say i made a difference to their life .....Rajni did.....
Then there are the regrets...
I NEVER thot i would forgive a man for cheating ..i did ....more than once...
I NEVER thot i would give up my self respect and beg to make a relationship work even when he walked out on me... even knowing that for him it was over
I NEVER thot i would have an affair knowing that he was married... knowing that it would go nowhere.
I NEVER thot that differences with a sibling i grew up adoring and looking up to would create a rift larger than the distance across the seas
I NEVER thot that my work would keep me so busy that I would not have time for family ...
I NEVER thot that someday I would look back and question... is this what i wanted life to be when i am 37...???
So today as i sit and drink a cup of chai ........and write my blog.....i wonder what are the other NEVERs that are yet to be UN-Nevered......after all i am only 37.......and i still have a lot of NEVERs... to deal with....